**Youth**

When a man steals your wife,
there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

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After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin;
they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

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By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy.
If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

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Woman inspires us to great things
and prevents us from achieving them.

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The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is,
"What does a woman want?"

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I had some words with my wife,
and she had some paragraphs with me.

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'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage.
We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week.
A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing.
She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.'

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'There's a way of transferring funds that
is even faster than electronic banking.
It's called marriage.'

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'I've had bad luck with both my wives.
The first one left me, and the second one didn't.'

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Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

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The most effective way to remember
your wife's birthday is to forget it once....

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You know what I did before I married?

Anything I wanted to.

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My wife and I were happy for twenty years.

Then we met.

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A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

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A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'.
Next day he received a hundred letters.

They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'

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First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'
Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'

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एक बार की बात है की एक घना पतला छोर्रा डॉक्टर के पास गया और बोला जी मेरा इलाज कर दो!

डॉक्टर ने कहा," हम यहाँ इलाज़ करने के लिए ही बैठे हैं और के यहाँ दाड़ी बनावा सा, बता के बीमारी है?"

छोरे ने कहा,"जी मेरी टांग मैं बीमारी सं !
डॉक्टर बोल्या," देखा आपनी टांग"

उस पतली छोरे ने कहा," जी आप हंस पडोगे मेरी टांग देखते ही!"

डॉक्टर बोल्या ," कोन्या हसूँ !" और जे हान्स पड़ा तो आधी फीस माफ़!
छोरे ने आपनी टांग दिखाई, और डॉक्टर उसकी पतली पतली हॉकी जैसी टांग देख के हान्स पडा और बोल्या तेरी आधी फीस माफ़ हो गयी , अच्छा बता के बीमारी सं ?"

छोरा बोल्या जी बीमारी सुनोगे और आप फेर हंसोगे - डॉक्टर बोल्या अगर मैं तेरी बीमारी सुन के हान्स पड़ा तो पूरी फीस माफ !

छोरा बोल्या - जी ये टांग सूज रही हैं !!

Hard Disk Girls:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.

RAM Girls:
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.

Windows Girls:
Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.

Screensaver Girls:
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!

Internet Girls:
Difficult to access.

Server Girls:
Always busy when you need her.

Multimedia Girls:
She makes horrible things look beautiful.

CD-ROM Girls:
She is always faster and faster.

Email Girls:
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.

Virus Girls:
Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she comes,
installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall
her you will lose something, if you don't try to uninstall her you
will lose everything.

Law of queue: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged tone.

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

Bath THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

LAW of the RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!

LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.

LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

1. Apni Biwi ko apni 100% kamai dene se 10% Sukh milta hai.
Kisi doosri ko apni kamai ka 10% dene pe 100% sukh milta hai... Paisa apka
... Faisla apka ...

2. "Funny but true fact !!A woman worries about her future till she gets a
husband; A man never worries about his future until he gets a wife!! ..What
do u say?

3. A Man before marriage is - Superman.
After Marriage - Gentleman.
5 Years Later - Watchman.
10 Years later - Apne Hi Jaal Mein fasaa hua Spiderman.

4. Life me hamesha Haste raho,muskrate raho, gaate raho, gungunate raho...
taki tumhe dekh kar hi log samaj jaye k tum... "UNMARRIED" ho.

5. Wife- agar main kho gayi to tum kya karoge?
Husband - main TV aur newspaper mein Ad dunga ki jaha kahin bhi ho.....
KHUSH RAHO
6. Wife - Shadi ki raat tum ne jab mera ghunghat uthaya to kaisi lagti thi..
Husband - Mai to mar hi jata agar mujhe hanuman chalisa na yaad hoti..!!

7. Why love marriage is better dan Arranged???? B'coz a "KNOWN DEVIL" is
better dan an "UNKNOWN GHOST".

8. Wife: main tumhari yaad mein 2O din mein hi aadhi ho gayi hoon, mujhe
lene kab aa rahe ho?
HUSBAND: 2O din aur ruk jaao.

9. A man gave an add in Matrimonial column "PATNI CHAHIYE"
He got 1000 replies all saying:-"Meri Le Ja...!" ''Meri Le Ja...!''

10. Husband to Hotel Manager: "Jaldi chalo! meri biwi khidki se kud kar
jaan dena chahti hai"
Manager: "What can I do?
Husband: "Kamine, khidki nahi khul rahi hai."

11. Every person is a FREEDOM FIGHTER ........Immediately after Marriage!!

12. Telling a lie is a fault for a little boy, an art for a lover, an
accomplishment for a bachelor and a Matter of Survival for a married man.
Good Luck!

13. Woh kahte hain ki hamari biwi swarg ki Apsara hai, hum ne kaha
khushnaseeb ho bhai, hamari to abhi Jinda hai...

If you have two agarbattis on a boat but no source of fire. How will you light an agarbattis if you are in the middle of the river?”

Some answers are:
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1) Throw an agarbatti into the river. It make the boat lighter. Use it to light agarbatti

2) Throw an agarbatti in air and catch it. Catches win matches. Use these matches to light agarbatti

3) Take some river water, let it fall drop by drop. You know that “Tip-tip barsa pani, pani ne aag lagai.”. Use it to light the agarbatti.

Oh God !!!

The correspondent rushes to him and asks the sardar ji.

Correspondent: How did it happen?

Sardar: Oh ji puchho mat. Sab kuch sahi tha, sab log platform par khade gaadi ki wait kar rahey they.

Achanak announcement Hui ki Shatabdee express Platform No.2 par aa rahi hai. Jaise hi sab ne suna ki gaddi PLATFORM PAR aa rahi hai, sab log apni jaan bachane ke liye patri par kood gaye.

Aur tabhi gaddi patri par aa gayi..

Correspondent : Thanks God. Aap ne samajhdari dikhayee. Aap patri par nahin koode..

Sardar: o nahin ji main to suicide karne ki liye patri par hi leta tha. Jaise hi announcement hui main to platform par chad gaya .

Santa : Oye!..what Are You Doing?
Banta : Recording This Baby's Voice.
Santa : Why?
Banta : When He Grows Up I Shall Ask Him..What He Meant By This Talk.


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Teacher : Why do you study in front of mirror?

Santa : 1) It saves revision time.
2) It is Like combined studies.
3) Lastly I wants some one to keep an eye on me.....

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Bunta Wanted To Dial...Santa On # 9879498794..
He Dialed ..... 98794 And Then Pressed.."REDIAL"..........

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Santa Was Roaming In The Jungle .. He Saw A Snake Hanging On A Tree
Santa Goes Closer To The Tree So The Snake Can Hear Him..
And Said: " Eise Latak Ne Se Height Nahi Badhti, Mummy Ko Bolo
" COMPLAIN " Pilane Ke Liye .. "..

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Santa Goes To A Hindu Temple..Saw People Putting Coin In Box And Praying..
Santa : Wow..! How Amazing..People Are Talking To God Through Coin
Phone.. Without Receiver..!!

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Banta : Santaji...We Have To Learn Telugu Within 6 Months Or We Will
Not Be Able To Communicate With My Child.
Santa : Is It! ..Why?
Banta : Preeto And I Have Adopted A Telugu Child And He Will Start To
Speak After 6 Months... !

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Santa : Parso Meri Biwi Jasmeet Kuwe Me Gir Gayee,
Bahut Chot Lagi, Bahut Chilla Rahi Thi...
Banta : Ab Kaisi Hai Wo..?
Santa : Ab Theek Hi Hogi, Kal Se Kuwe Se Aawaz Nahi Aa Rahi Hai.. !


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Physics ka Baap :

All the Scientists were fail to answer this question
But Santa Rocks:::
Which Liquid thing turns solid on heating?
?
?
?
??
Answer: BESAN KE PAKODE

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santa and banta r discussing---------
santa----- "if i drink coffee, i ca'nt sleep!!!!"
Banta----- "with me it's the opposite.if i sleep i can't drink coffee."

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Santa: Your Birthday.
Banta: 15 August.
Santa: Which Year??
Banta: Every Year.

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Santa: What is Your Strong Point???
Banta: My Wife.
Santa: And What is Your weakest point???
Banta: Others Wife.

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Santa Banta ko 2 bomb mile,
Santa: chal police ko de k aate hain.
Banta: agar koi bomb raaste me phat gaya to?
Santa: jhoot bol denge ki 1 hi mila tha


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Police: Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phaasi di jayegi.
Santa: Ha Ha Ha Ha!
Police: Kyon hasn rahe ho?
Santa: Main to uthta hi subha 9 baje hun.

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Man: Santa jee aap ko garmi lagti hai to kya karte ho?
Santa: AC k paas ja k baith jata hun
Man: Agar phir bhi garmi lage to?
Santa: To A/C on kar leta hun


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A Santa prays daily for 2 hours,
"He Vahe Guru meri lottery lagade."
After 11 years Vahe Guru angrily appeared & said,"Khoti de puttar 1 vari ticket to le le"

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Santa: Yaar mujhe 1 hathora or keel chahiye computer k liye.
Sales man: Magar computer me inka kya kaam?
Santa: Oye yaar mujhe computer me windows lagani hai.

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In bio practical:
Examiner: Tell me the name of this bird by seeing its legs only?
Santa: I don't know.
Examiner: You are failed, what's your name?
Santa: See my legs & tell my name

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Santa bought a car on loan... He didn't pay the dues, the bank took away his car.
Santa: If I knew this, I'd have taken a loan for my marriage also

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"What time does the library open?" the man on the phone asked.
"Nine A.M." came the reply. "And what's the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?"
"Not until nine A.M.?" the man asked in a disappointed voice.
"No, not till nine A.M.!" the librarian said. "Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?"
"Who said I wanted to get in?" the man sighed sadly. "I want to get out."

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."

Jasmeet : Aapne Santa Ne Jalte Hue Makan Se 6 Logo Ko Apni Jaan Pe
Khelkar Bahar Nikala Fir Bhi Usko Jail Ho Gayi..!
Preeto : Kyun ?...
Jasmeet : Kyun..Ki Pata Chala Vo Sab Firebrigade Wale The..!

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Husband Aur wife Train Ke Liye Platform Pe Khade Reye
Itane Me PUNJAB MAIL Aayi,..
Husband Bhag Ke Train Me Chad Gaya Aur wife Se Bola...
Oya..Jab " PUNJAB FEMALE " Aaye To Chad Jana ....


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Wife : Mujhme Kya Achha Lagta Hai MeriJi Apko Samajhdari Ya
Meri Beauty..
Husband : Mujhe To Ye Tumhari Majak Karne Ki Aadat Bahut Achchhi
Lagti Hai..!

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Santa : "Yaar Jab meri shadi hui thi Tab Mujhe apni biwi itni achhi lagti thi ki mann karta tha ki use kha jau"
Banta : "Or ab??"
Santa : "or ab sochta hu ki kha hi jata to achha hota"


Biwi: “Aap ne pichle saal Eid pe mujhe lohay ka bed banwa ke diya tha, Iss dafa aapka kya iraada hai?”


Shohar: “Iss saal uss mein current chorne ka iraada hai.”


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Friend: Why Did you hit your husband with the chair.
Wife : Because Table was too heavy. I couldn't left it up.

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After Fighting for a long time.
Wife : Main Maiyke jaa rahi hu, wahin se Talaak ke papers Bhijwa dungi.
Husband : Ab jane bhi do, Yu mithi- mithi baatein karke mujhe rijhane ki koshish mat karo.

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Before marriage: Roses are red, sky is blue. U r beautiful, I luv u.

After marriage: Roses are dead, I'm blue. U r my headache, one day I'll
kill u.

Guest: "Why does your dog sit there and watch me eat?"

Hotel Host: "I can't imagine, unless it's because you have the plate he usually eats from."