**Youth**

If you have two agarbattis on a boat but no source of fire. How will you light an agarbattis if you are in the middle of the river?”

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1) Throw an agarbatti into the river. It make the boat lighter. Use it to light agarbatti

2) Throw an agarbatti in air and catch it. Catches win matches. Use these matches to light agarbatti

3) Take some river water, let it fall drop by drop. You know that “Tip-tip barsa pani, pani ne aag lagai.”. Use it to light the agarbatti.

Oh God !!!

The correspondent rushes to him and asks the sardar ji.

Correspondent: How did it happen?

Sardar: Oh ji puchho mat. Sab kuch sahi tha, sab log platform par khade gaadi ki wait kar rahey they.

Achanak announcement Hui ki Shatabdee express Platform No.2 par aa rahi hai. Jaise hi sab ne suna ki gaddi PLATFORM PAR aa rahi hai, sab log apni jaan bachane ke liye patri par kood gaye.

Aur tabhi gaddi patri par aa gayi..

Correspondent : Thanks God. Aap ne samajhdari dikhayee. Aap patri par nahin koode..

Sardar: o nahin ji main to suicide karne ki liye patri par hi leta tha. Jaise hi announcement hui main to platform par chad gaya .

Santa : Oye!..what Are You Doing?
Banta : Recording This Baby's Voice.
Santa : Why?
Banta : When He Grows Up I Shall Ask Him..What He Meant By This Talk.


******

Teacher : Why do you study in front of mirror?

Santa : 1) It saves revision time.
2) It is Like combined studies.
3) Lastly I wants some one to keep an eye on me.....

******

Bunta Wanted To Dial...Santa On # 9879498794..
He Dialed ..... 98794 And Then Pressed.."REDIAL"..........

******

Santa Was Roaming In The Jungle .. He Saw A Snake Hanging On A Tree
Santa Goes Closer To The Tree So The Snake Can Hear Him..
And Said: " Eise Latak Ne Se Height Nahi Badhti, Mummy Ko Bolo
" COMPLAIN " Pilane Ke Liye .. "..

******

Santa Goes To A Hindu Temple..Saw People Putting Coin In Box And Praying..
Santa : Wow..! How Amazing..People Are Talking To God Through Coin
Phone.. Without Receiver..!!

******

Banta : Santaji...We Have To Learn Telugu Within 6 Months Or We Will
Not Be Able To Communicate With My Child.
Santa : Is It! ..Why?
Banta : Preeto And I Have Adopted A Telugu Child And He Will Start To
Speak After 6 Months... !

******

Santa : Parso Meri Biwi Jasmeet Kuwe Me Gir Gayee,
Bahut Chot Lagi, Bahut Chilla Rahi Thi...
Banta : Ab Kaisi Hai Wo..?
Santa : Ab Theek Hi Hogi, Kal Se Kuwe Se Aawaz Nahi Aa Rahi Hai.. !


******

Physics ka Baap :

All the Scientists were fail to answer this question
But Santa Rocks:::
Which Liquid thing turns solid on heating?
?
?
?
??
Answer: BESAN KE PAKODE

******

santa and banta r discussing---------
santa----- "if i drink coffee, i ca'nt sleep!!!!"
Banta----- "with me it's the opposite.if i sleep i can't drink coffee."

******

Santa: Your Birthday.
Banta: 15 August.
Santa: Which Year??
Banta: Every Year.

******



Santa: What is Your Strong Point???
Banta: My Wife.
Santa: And What is Your weakest point???
Banta: Others Wife.

******

Santa Banta ko 2 bomb mile,
Santa: chal police ko de k aate hain.
Banta: agar koi bomb raaste me phat gaya to?
Santa: jhoot bol denge ki 1 hi mila tha


******

Police: Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phaasi di jayegi.
Santa: Ha Ha Ha Ha!
Police: Kyon hasn rahe ho?
Santa: Main to uthta hi subha 9 baje hun.

******

Man: Santa jee aap ko garmi lagti hai to kya karte ho?
Santa: AC k paas ja k baith jata hun
Man: Agar phir bhi garmi lage to?
Santa: To A/C on kar leta hun


******

A Santa prays daily for 2 hours,
"He Vahe Guru meri lottery lagade."
After 11 years Vahe Guru angrily appeared & said,"Khoti de puttar 1 vari ticket to le le"

******



Santa: Yaar mujhe 1 hathora or keel chahiye computer k liye.
Sales man: Magar computer me inka kya kaam?
Santa: Oye yaar mujhe computer me windows lagani hai.

******

In bio practical:
Examiner: Tell me the name of this bird by seeing its legs only?
Santa: I don't know.
Examiner: You are failed, what's your name?
Santa: See my legs & tell my name

******

Santa bought a car on loan... He didn't pay the dues, the bank took away his car.
Santa: If I knew this, I'd have taken a loan for my marriage also

******

"What time does the library open?" the man on the phone asked.
"Nine A.M." came the reply. "And what's the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?"
"Not until nine A.M.?" the man asked in a disappointed voice.
"No, not till nine A.M.!" the librarian said. "Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?"
"Who said I wanted to get in?" the man sighed sadly. "I want to get out."

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."

Jasmeet : Aapne Santa Ne Jalte Hue Makan Se 6 Logo Ko Apni Jaan Pe
Khelkar Bahar Nikala Fir Bhi Usko Jail Ho Gayi..!
Preeto : Kyun ?...
Jasmeet : Kyun..Ki Pata Chala Vo Sab Firebrigade Wale The..!

******

Husband Aur wife Train Ke Liye Platform Pe Khade Reye
Itane Me PUNJAB MAIL Aayi,..
Husband Bhag Ke Train Me Chad Gaya Aur wife Se Bola...
Oya..Jab " PUNJAB FEMALE " Aaye To Chad Jana ....


******

Wife : Mujhme Kya Achha Lagta Hai MeriJi Apko Samajhdari Ya
Meri Beauty..
Husband : Mujhe To Ye Tumhari Majak Karne Ki Aadat Bahut Achchhi
Lagti Hai..!

******


Santa : "Yaar Jab meri shadi hui thi Tab Mujhe apni biwi itni achhi lagti thi ki mann karta tha ki use kha jau"
Banta : "Or ab??"
Santa : "or ab sochta hu ki kha hi jata to achha hota"


Biwi: “Aap ne pichle saal Eid pe mujhe lohay ka bed banwa ke diya tha, Iss dafa aapka kya iraada hai?”


Shohar: “Iss saal uss mein current chorne ka iraada hai.”


******

Friend: Why Did you hit your husband with the chair.
Wife : Because Table was too heavy. I couldn't left it up.

******

After Fighting for a long time.
Wife : Main Maiyke jaa rahi hu, wahin se Talaak ke papers Bhijwa dungi.
Husband : Ab jane bhi do, Yu mithi- mithi baatein karke mujhe rijhane ki koshish mat karo.

******


Before marriage: Roses are red, sky is blue. U r beautiful, I luv u.

After marriage: Roses are dead, I'm blue. U r my headache, one day I'll
kill u.

Guest: "Why does your dog sit there and watch me eat?"

Hotel Host: "I can't imagine, unless it's because you have the plate he usually eats from."